Opening Lines That Get Replies

The most common opening message is "hey". It has roughly the reply rate you'd expect, and everyone sending it knows that, and they send it anyway — because the alternative feels like work and nobody's sure what the work should be.

Here's what the work actually is.

Why "hey" fails

It isn't rudeness. It's that "hey" asks the other person to do all the thinking. They now have to invent a topic, carry the conversation and take the social risk, for someone who has invested one word.

Any opener that transfers effort away from the reader beats it. That's the whole principle, and everything below is an application of it.

The three that work

1. React to something specific.

Not "you seem fun" — a reaction to one detail. It proves you looked, and it hands them an obvious reply.

That's a genuinely alarming amount of hot sauce in photo three. Is that a collection or a problem?

You've got a photo at Skerries and I've been trying to get someone to take me for two years.

2. Ask something answerable in five words.

Low effort to reply to, which is the entire point. Avoid open-ended questions that require an essay.

Best thing you've eaten this month, go.

Sea or mountains, and don't say both.

What's the film you'd defend to the death?

3. Take a position they can argue with.

Mild disagreement is engaging in a way that agreement isn't.

I notice you claim to like camping. I'd like to see the evidence.

Controversial: the second album is better and I will explain why.

Twenty you can adapt

Okay, the dog. Name, temperament, is it yours?
That's a very specific bookshelf and I need to know your worst opinion in it.
You look like someone who has strong feelings about how to make tea.
Best meal you've had this year. I'm collecting recommendations.
I have to ask about photo two before I do anything else.
Sea swimming in February is a choice. Explain yourself.
What's something you're irrationally good at?
I'm told I take this too seriously, so: what's your Sunday actually like?
You've been somewhere I've wanted to go for years. Was it worth it?
Give me one recommendation. Anything. I'll take it seriously.
That's the second-best pub in the city and I'll die on this hill.
Genuine question: is the hiking real or is it one photo from 2019?
I need a new series and everyone keeps recommending the same one.
Your prompt answers are better than mine. Slightly annoyed about it.
What's the most useless thing you know a lot about?
I'd like to hear the full story behind photo four.
Rank these: breakfast, brunch, dinner. Justify.
You seem like you'd have a plan for a rainy Saturday. Do you?
What's a thing you've changed your mind about recently?
Trying to be better than "hey", so: what's made you laugh this week?

What to avoid

Compliments on appearance. They're the most common message a conversation receives, and they're a dead end — the only reply is "thanks".

Anything copied from a list without adapting it. Including this one. A generic opener sent to a specific person reads exactly like what it is.

Multi-part messages. Three questions at once is an interview.

"How's your day going?" Nothing to answer with except "good, you?".

Length

One or two sentences. A paragraph reads as effortful and puts pressure on them to match it — which is often why long, thoughtful openers underperform short, sharp ones.

When they don't reply

Most won't. That's normal and it isn't necessarily about the message — people match and forget, or open the app twice a week, or matched during a bored ten minutes on a Tuesday.

One follow-up after a few days is fine if it adds something. Two is not.

The one real signal: if nobody replies to anything, ever, it's usually not the openers. It's that the profile isn't creating enough interest for a message to land in the first place.

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